sleep · sleep · honey

is everything just a re-run?

and the melancholy boredom in between, just gray static?

all of the events have happened before, they can still be entertaining but obviously deja-vu.
dizzingly familiar.

the characters, all 2 dimensional and pixelated.
you can not stare too close for they don't actually exist.
just holographic images plastered onto a screen.

my mind can not adjust to this.
i fluxuate back and forth.
the channels change.
constantly.
reality, static, fantasy, news.

static.static.static.

Once upon a time,
there were two girls who loved eachother very much.
One was born from the sun,
a hot tempered woman who could scald you with her words.
the other was born from the moon,
a cold woman who could freeze you with a glare.
the two girls loved to play and dance among clouds and stars.
One day,
the moon was annoyed with the sun child's incessant shining and wanted her to cease contact with her treasured daughter who would one day take her place as the moon.
For as long as the moon and sun existed they ignored eachother. Each felt they were more important and strived to out shine the other. The sun would say, " I am more important, for if it was not for I crops could not grow and the people would starve. There would be eternal night and the creatures of Earth would freeze." The moon would respond," And I am more important for I provide security from the mysterious night and help the people be safe. If it were not for me,there would be eternal day and all would burn."

The moon and her cold jealousy felt that her daughter and the sun daughter were destroying her image, so she sent for her daughter to dwell in an ice cave.
She knew the sun daughter would not look for her there for all would melt. The moon daughter,known to be obedient, agreed and began to live among the blindingly white and immaculate snow and ice.

the sun daughter soon found out about the moon's orders and was very offended. Knowing that the moon was gone by day, she waited for the daughter to make contact with her, but it never came. Were there years of friendship finished? No, she could never believe the moon daughter could do that to her. Trade her shadow sister for her mother? The sun daughter was confused and began to cry.
For now she believed all was lost and the balance that once existed became lost in an ice cave.
The sun had lost her shadow sister.

My heart and my brain,
one in the same.
no rational thoughts exist within.
my left brain,
beautiful places i have never traveled,
existing between the circumference of my skull.
Illusions of grandeur.
alice in wonderland, sunflower fields.
where i long to be.

my right brain.
i strive to understand.
prose and formats and equations and angles.
complete disillusionment.
i hang from my ankles with bewilderment.

two men.
one logical choice.
and one girl, who wants what doesn't exist.

hi.
i have a headache.
i stopped eating because i thought,"hey, maybe i'll stop feeling like shit if i stop eating."
it didn't work.

I have the urge to leave my house, but i know if i step outside i will melt from the devastating heat.

i have not been getting much sleep.
no one allows me.

you have no clue who i am.
neither do i.
so i guess you are justified to read what you are.

how do my ovaries tie into all this?
i don't feel like a woman.

i should leave.